September 21, 2010

Expectation and Relationships





We all have had this discussion a lot of times with each other about our relationships and expectations from them. Have we ever wondered how relationships would have been if there were no expectations at all? Have you ever wondered why you fell low only when your expectation went high? Have you tried to think that only if you did not expect anything from your relationship then there would be no dissatisfaction, there would be no fights and anything small that came your way would give so much more happiness and it would only be smooth.

We see so many relationships breaking, so many people walking out of their marriages, so many tiffs between the parents and children and so many fights amongst siblings. Has anyone tried to see the root cause of each one of them? Well, if you talk to people at some point everyone would have walked out of a relationship (relationships mentioned above or any other) only because his expectations were not met or not fulfilled by the person on the other side.

What is an expectation? How do you define an expectation? Well I define it in many ways too but the most appropriate definition I derive from the word itself: EXPECTATION = EXPECT A SHUN!!! Why I define this as most appropriately is because when a person’s one expectation is fulfilled by someone else, the person moves to the next expectation. With each increasing expectation, it gets bigger and deeper and there comes a point when the person on the other side knows that he cannot fulfill them anymore so initially he starts to avoid (read as shun) recognizing your expectation and then gradually starts avoiding (read as shunning) you. Now here in this process the he starts shunning you. The time it takes for the person on the other side to shun may vary from an individual to individual and the extent to which he shuns you may also vary but the word itself tells you that EXPECT A SHUN! So, why make things difficult for yourself and for the other person?

Well, I may be questioned by many of you that what is the essence of the relationship if there are no expectations and how can you have zero expectations? Let’s say the essence of any relationship is togetherness, love and the feeling of just being there. If you have these and no expectation you will find the essence yourself. How can you have zero expectations? Well, it is not easy, I agree but it is not impossible. I have not reached the state of zero expectation myself but at each expectation I make this conscious effort to recognize the expectation within myself and tell myself to put it aside. It takes some time initially but it works ultimately, trust me, and I say this from a personal experience. In a situation, where you are just not able to put your expectation aside, just tell yourself that if God believes that this is good for me then I shall get it. How and when you shall get it, leave that also on God, don’t try to decide that yourself. Then tell God to take care of you and you will be able to pull the burden of your expectation away from the other person from whom you were expecting. It works; it works like magic once there is a deliberate recognition put from you. This works because you are able to take away the burden of your expectation from others and at the same time you have only made your belief in God strong. This also tells us that existence takes care of you. This simply means that leave it on existence to take care of you and fulfill your expectation and not a particular person. Now let existence decide who that person has to be or what that source will be that takes care of you. Don’t let others shun you, but aim to shun your expectation on your own. Remember, when expectations rise high, you fall low in life!

Once you are able to start doing this, you will be able to welcome everyone and every relationship in your life for lifelong and with equal warmth and love all throughout. You will see that you do not have fights, you do not have arguments, you are not dissatisfied and in fact you are filled with happiness all the time.

I am living such moments already but I am still not living all of it fully because I have not reached the state of Zero Expectations. I am waiting to be there…And I am sure once I reach that state there is no stopping between me and the smile on my face all the time, between me and the happiness all the time.

One thing to note here is that as I say all this, remember that no where do I mention that do not do things for others. Remember, that each thing that you do for someone else, you are doing because you want to do and not because the other person expects you too. When you do things for others, do those also with no expectation of return. Also, when you know the other person is not expecting your smallest action would be worth the thousands of happiness for the other one. You will be able to feel it, sense it and be satisfied.

Get loved, spread love and give loads of love!!!!

Lots of Love:

Saumya

September 21, 2010

8 comments:

The Dreamer said...

When you reach that state of zero expectations, I hope you still have a smile on your face. A life without expectations isn't zen. A life where your expectations are fulfilled is the one I call perfect. Choose your friends wisely.. expectations are a part of the deal.

Saumya Goila said...

@ The Dreamer: well I say, that when you choose your friends wisely you dont have to expect anything at all because the wise decision will get all satisfaction and fulfillment along with it if you are in a zero expectations state. In fact if you are not in zero expectation state, there will be compromises and dis-satisfactions to at least some extent at some point....

The Dreamer said...

The baseline is that I don't worry about disappointment and dissatisfaction. If you don't have an expectation, how can you possibly know what fulfillment is? Words like fulfillment and satisfaction are comparative phrases. And these find their place in your vocabulary only if you have an expectation in place. Thats the thin line between existing and living.

Rahul said...

Amazing article Saumya!!! .. and especially Expectation = Expect a Shun!.. Another important thing to remember is one can easily mixed up between ones own desires and ones own expectations. We all have desires -> but expecting others to fulfill them is where we go wrong..Living life! means living each moment of our lives with complete freedom towards fulfilling ourselves, our each desire... not through expectations from others, but through belief in our own self, own effort and existence!.. thats living life!..thats living without expectations...and thats living each moment towards our own inner fulfillment!
I also liked v much the piece where you talk about how people should do things with No expectations of anything in return!!!... A lot of times we do a good thing like help a friend or help someone in need but put expectation of immense gratitude or appreciation from others, which when we do not receive ruins the happiness or joy of our actions!... hence I realized after reading your article that this is a very important part of the equation!!! :) ..again, a very useful insight to very basic aspect of our lives!

Rahul said...

Another point, I can say that Zero expectation state is a State full of surprises. One always likes surprises than routine or planned events! right? :)

KRVIA said...

i loved wad u wrote and its absolutely true.. dis i am saying from personal experience..!!!
and yes when u do somethin for someone without expecting anything in return... dey feel happy and feel like doin somethin special for.. nw u could say dat i'm expecting da other person to do somethin... bt thats nt the case.. its a reality i'm living and hence i can say it..

Umesh Pandit said...

Nice!!!

Umesh Pandit said...

Nice!!!